Leading Pro's Size Up Their Chances in 2011

      The top professional's in the world have written in their blogs and on their websites and twittered their goals and plans for the upcoming season.  After exhaustive research, this writer has culled through the information and has been able to sum up the top pro's prospects for the upcoming season, as reflected in what they themselves have had to say:

Tiger:  People are trying to take my money away from me.  Everybody want my money:  lawyers, agents, caddy, wife.  I need my money.  I need more money.  I need it all.

Hey, that's mine!  Thinks Tiger.

Phil:  I was in the drive-thorugh at the Burger joint that I own a piece of and thought to myself, 'Do I really want to be a vegetarian?' And then I thought, 'Do I really want to be ranked Number One?' Maybe I will find the answer someday, in the meantime, I really want to have a good burger.

Ernie:  I have the experience and that's a valuable thing.  Unfortunately, my experience means that I have a lot of history, and that's not a good thing.  Like the double bogey I had at the end of my first round at Augusta last year.  Or the triple I had at the U.S.Open.  Or the bad tee time I had at the Open.  Or the quad I had at the PGA.   See what I mean?  I have experience, but I also have a lot of history.

Lee Westwood:  I am the Number One golfer in the world.  That's right--Number One.  For all of you who criticized me for not winning a major, or gave up on me when I was ranked like 700, I want to tell you something and this is it:  I am the Number One golfer in the world and you can just fuck off.

Ian Poulter:  I was thinking that my line of men's golf clothing should be more adventurous and bold.  I think that there should be more taffeta and satins and silks and even lace to complement the parachute nylon.  And more vibrant colors, too.  This year, I am especially fond of magenta.  Oh, and I also golf.

Rickie Fowler:  I hear all this stuff about a sophomore jinx and I think that must be like a caution light.  Oh wait, that's me dressed as a caution light.

Sergio Garcia:  I have all the talent, but cannot make the putt.  Long drive and ball on green and I cannot make the putt.  Life is so unfair.  I spit in the cup because I cannot make the putt.  It is not fair.  I cannot make the putt.

Rory McIlroy:  I have decided to stay in Ireland and play the European Tour.  This way, I can go home and run around my mansion in my underwear and read press clippings that tell me how great I am.  I could do the same thing in America I suppose, but it wouldn't be the same.

Graehme McDowell:  So, after I burst upon the scene last year and won the U.S. Open and helped win the Ryder Cup and stole the Chevron away from Tiger what do I do for an encore?  Beats me.

Martin Kaymer:  Hit the fairway.  Hit the middle of the green.  Sometimes make the putt.  Never, ever make a bogey.  It's a simple philosophy, I know.  I am simple and efficient.  You may think that it's boring but it's pretty exciting for me.